sunshine303

07:09 pm: lovin texas
but dont be afraid to call me!

12:43 pm: THURSDAY
THURSDAY! my last night (kinda) before mexico/texas. you know who you are and you know you want to be there.

04:07 pm: i just dont know. i dont know if i should be happy, excited, or nervous. i dont know if i should be upset that i am kinda happy. i just dont know

06:18 pm: IM GOING TO TEXAS!!!!!

03:29 pm: the next two weeks are going to be the longest two weeks ever! just waiting to hear back from texas.

12:04 pm: this saturday is my last home meet ever, it's really sad. the meet starts at 1 if anyone wants to go.

05:51 pm: a year is a long time. i just wish it was a good time.

11:55 am: freaking out
you were supposed to be here. you were here for everyone else, for their last year.
but mine you gone. you left me alone, and i cant do this alone.
yes i was a head case before i met you but you didnt help the situation any.
yeah so its the first meet and im flipping out because its the first meet.
but you were supposed to be here, this is not how it was supposed to be.

09:20 pm: i dont want to play anymore.
i want it all to be done so i can get out of here.
next december cant come soon enough.
i guess when trying to make a future you really do have no life.

09:33 am: birthday plans
so im thinking that we all meet at like my house tomorrow night around 930ish and then go out but i dont know where to go cause i dont go out in westernmass, and you all better be coming

09:14 am: p.s. to everyone- im coming home the weekend of the 21st and 22nd for my birthday so were going out whether you like it or not!

03:12 pm: why?
i was finally doing better.
i has finally stopped crying myself to sleep.
and then you go and do this.
and im right back to where i started.

10:04 am: its funny
It's amazing how much things change in a short amount of time. I was driving home from work the other night and i was thinking. I am living on my own, a year from graduating from college, and starting to look for jobs in other parts of the country (california, florida, texas, i'd rather some place warm). That's really not that far away, and besides the fact during the summer I want a job in texas. I'm not sure how I feel about this whole growing up thing. Just as an aside- Larry got a harley (yes that would be Larry, my step-dad) so you know what that means. I now obviously need to get my license too.

08:18 pm: so i'm at the point where i think ill just throw myself into my work and starting my career.

12:23 am: perfect
"For a long time I’ve talked about being perfect. Being perfect is not about that scoreboard out there. It's not about winning. It's about you and your relationship with yourself, your family and your friends. Being perfect is about being able to look your friends in the eye and know that you didnt let them down because you told them the truth. And that truth is you did everything you could. There wasnt one more thing you could've done. Can you live in that moment as best you can, with clear eyes, and love in your heart, with joy in your heart?" - Friday Night Lights

you may not understand, but that doesn't matter. for the past four years this is what has been asked of me and of a certain group of people, who are strong(mentally and physically), dedicated, and well pretty freakn stupid. and i love them all. and because of them i'm not giving up. i'll fight this as hard as i can, because i know what it means to you. because it means the same thing to me.

07:56 pm: there are just to many things that i seem to be fighting for. and i dont want to give up on any of them.

09:02 am: empty
i knew that if i went to bed last night that today would come. now there is a hole inside that shouldnt be there...

08:30 pm: goodbye...
so this is goodbye. hes really going, and im not going with him. i love him and im happy for him this is something good, but i want to be selfish. i am happy with him, if he were to ask me to go i think i would just about drop everything and go. right now thats all i want, him so show that he does care and that he is upset that he is leaving. i saw a future with him and now i dont know what i see. i dont like this.

09:37 pm: i don't know...

10:52 am: one more week and the semesters over thank god!!!